High Intelligence Limited Life Artificial Robotic Youngster

January 7, 2008

We would like to take some time to thank the Canadian Advanced Illuminati Research Station (AIRS) for the latest evolution of project H.I.L.L.A.R.Y. Each robot has been manufactured to exacting specifications and has been performing nearly flawlessly. The recently publicized moment where the robot was “on the verge of tears” was very believable (coverage can be seen here). Great care must be taken during these public appearances and the robotic telemetry must be carefully monitored. This was the first attempt at a public show of emotion that was not done manually by an Illuminati robot operator. As many people know, fully autonomous emotion expression in robots has often resulted in damages and loss of life. The Hillary model itself has caused the death of eight people.

The current production Hillary model, HP12, has been operating without AI meltdown for 14 months now. This is a new record and if the trend keeps up we could possibly look forward to a stable AI that lasts for many years without a reset. Reliability of the robotic chassis is also improving. Estimates show that the current chassis will last another 21 months before replacement is needed. Pretty soon the “Y” may be taken out of the acronym as the AI will no longer be able to be considered a youngster.

The US presidential race is an excellent forum to test AI constructs. The questions are scripted from a relatively small group to keep the AI working database manageable. Any rigidity of stuttering can be attributed to nervousness. Flaws are quickly pointed out by media, but major problems such as a glowing head or robot explosion can be quickly suppressed. It is also an important test bed for the Social Engineering Department (SED). Responses to the predefined questions can be delivered with mathematical precision. The public reaction can then be assessed very accurately. Subtle rewording of similar responses across the candidates generates a great amount of usable data. This can be later used in a virtually limitless variety of different contexts.

The synergy that exists between the various Illuminati departments is readily apparent in the excellent execution of the US election. Corporate would like to thank everyone involved. Please enjoy the show, and have fun guessing which candidates are robots and which ones are real!